Yesterday, while listening to a wise man teach the junior high confirmation class at church today, something finally clicked. In high school, I wanted to be a veterinarian but was dissuaded by my mom and the vet who cared for our animals because of their concern about how much the education would cost. These were wise concerns. Ultimately, I listened and pursued another interest, but not something I feel was my passion or calling. Since stepping out into my career, I have felt like a ship whose sail and rudder have been broken: Potentially useful but going nowhere.
At times, this has left me feeling defeated and like a failure.
I’ll be honest, I have no clue what I’m actually passionate about although I have a few interests that are near and dear to my heart.
Part of change for me has been in experimenting with who I want to be and embracing who I am at a gut level. Today I realized I never sought God’s direction in my path toward my purpose. I also realized that I am still not seeking God in that path, nor am I asking which hobbies I should commit myself to in order to better pursue the best path for me. I still feel like a rudderless ship.
Maybe right now, the best change I could make is to stop experimenting and start listening to that still small voice that tells me which small step to take next. This is a hard step for me. I have spent a long time trying to follow my heart, my gut instinct, and my wishes. Now, it is time to listen to my Creator and ask:
Who did you create me to be?