Attempt No. 2

Attempt No. 2

A long time ago, I started this blog to document a changing life. I did not keep blogging. Now, I will attempt to restart this blog. I hope you enjoy it.

Since my last post, there have been several changes in my life.

Change #1:

My husband and I moved in with a friend and his three kids. It was awesome! Sure, it was difficult at times, but an awesome experience of living in intentional community. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Change #2:

We bought property with the intention of building a small straw bale house last June. After numerous conversations with banks trying to figure out the construction loan piece, we were told to make the house bigger. Basically, we were told the bank would not fund a smaller house (under 1,000 square feet) that we could easily afford. They would only fund a larger house (that would be harder for us to afford). We complied and hired a very talented young architect to design the house.

The house that was designed was beautiful and immediately, it was the house of my dreams. It was two bedrooms, two bathrooms and had two internal courtyards. I still want that house.

So we started saving for construction.When our roommate moved to Texas, we moved out of our rental house. My grandmother gave me her 19′ RV. We lived with some very generous friends for awhile. Then, we brought in electricity, paid the impact fee, and moved the trailer onto the property. That was in early December. Since then, we have been living on our property, saving as much money as possible. We have not yet been able to save the necessary cash for water or septic. Fortunately, we were able to buy a water tank that holds our water supply and will later be used for rainwater harvesting. We also have black water tank that is used to dump our RV.

Another purchase (some debt requires) is a large shed. The shed stores our goods, including our couch, television, and portable washing machine.

This was all fine until the beginning of the summer. At the beginning of the summer, our neighbors forced us to face reality. They forced us to leave the comfort of our someday-I-will-live-in-a-real-house-but-for-now-the-trailer-is-fine mental state when they complained to the county about numerous things. The country girl in me wanted to tell them to mind their own business about what I do with my property.  The Christian side of me wanted to remind them they should have tried to work things out with us first. So far, I have managed to ignore them.

However, this issue with the county made us realize that time is running out on our ability to maintain status quo. We had to form Plan B.  Since Plan B is its own discussion in its entirety, I will save that for its own post.

The front door of my house

Hope and Strength to Change

Food addiction is a struggle. Often, when I am stressed, I feel the need to have something in my mouth constantly. This has been true this week. God however has called us to more. We know that he has called us to more than addictions with drugs, alcohol, and pornography… Why not food? And if food is my struggle, why shouldn’t I treat my daily struggle of eating too my as something that is as serious as someone who has anorexia? Both food issues cause life-long health complications. Both issues are caused by deep rooted control and self-esteem issues. Now that I am admitting this issue, I can begin seeking the truth behind why I am over-eating and begin the process to recovery. God calls us to more, more than our addictions and gives us hope and strength to change. Ephesians 1:18-19 says:

I pray also that you will have greater understanding in your heart so you will know the hope to which he has called us and that you will know how rich and glorious are the blessings God has promised his holy people. And you will know that God’s power is very great for us who believe. That power is the same as the great strength.

Hypocrite

I got a text tonight from a young lady who struggles with self harm. She bought more razors after throwing her old ones out and said that part of her doesn’t want to change. I told her that while I care about her, I can’t help her until she wants to change.

About an hour later, I was repeating the same old prayer of “God, please help me change.” I was reminded that I can’t be helped unless I want to change.

Bucket list

Discussing a potential work trip with my husband last night quickly turned into a teary divulgence into my deep seated desires to complete my ridiculously long bucket list, preferably this year, while taking time to stop and smell the roses. This thought is inanity. Trying to complete my bucket list in my lifetime will be difficult, if not impossible. Additionally, I find my daily life to be so hectic that the only roses I will smell are those I have picked and pinned to my clothing so I can smell them on the go. If I happen to be stopped while smelling them it is probably because I am at a red light.

So, after I stopped my pity party, and forgave my husband for having a much cooler job, I decided that my goal is to write up my bucket list and set a goal of one or two items per year, depending on the time involved in each item. This way I get to gain momentum, and I may actually get to smell the roses.

Scattered

Focus and discipline are what I lack.

I have such a long list of goals! My bucket list is longer than I honestly will ever accomplish. Yes, so far this post sounds like it has been marinating in pessimism. It probably has been. However, it is honest.

I also know I struggle with setting goals that are too lofty, so maybe this post is more of a reminder to myself, an online sticky note, to take it easy. It is great to have goals, but with the limited resources of time, energy, and money, it is impossible to accomplish all of your goals at one time. As my all-too-wise husband likes to remind me “if everything is a priority, then nothing is.”

So, I must constantly ask myself, what are my priorities?

Change

I registered for this blog in November 2012 as a way to document my life as it changed… Preferably for the better. My husband and I moved across country, changed jobs, and basically started over. I figured what a great time to change and “fix” all of those character flaws of mine. Fourteen months later, I have changed, but most of those character flaws are still there, I have not succeeded in being a punctual person, I still hate getting out of bed in the morning, and I have not lost sixty pounds. So much for the best of intentions.

With all of that being said, I have found a modicum of success at my job, have lost ten pounds, joined the YMCA, and am in the process of starting a business. I have also begun to enjoy writing. While I still possess many of the same character flaws, I do intend to keep pushing forward. If faith is a journey, then so is change. I’m ready to begin my journey.